


If it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine

by theleftboobgrabber



Series: Won't you take me home? [3]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bachelor Party, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, Wedding Planning, lap dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6271969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleftboobgrabber/pseuds/theleftboobgrabber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Wait wait wait!” Interjected Simon before Arthur could react to Jace and Raphael’s advices. “You didn't check with Alec and Magnus if a stripper was okay with them? I don't want Magnus to stake me when he discovers that we paid a hunky dude to grind his precious Alexander to death!”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In every way that counts

Alec was bored out of his mind. Yes, he loves Magnus to pieces. Yes, he would do _anything_ in his power to make him happy.

But picking flower arrangements? That seems a lot to ask. Something that Alec wasn’t really built for. In fact, planning a wedding ceremony was way less exciting than Izzy made it sound like. The worst was that some people expected him to be preternaturally good at wedding planning because of his sexuality.

Like _Sharonna_.

Sharonna entered into his life not two hours ago and was already giving Camille a run for her money with the way she’s driving Alec insane. And he counted the time the bitch poisoned him into depression and slow death. She had glanced at Magnus’ casual, yet impeccable attire and smiled. She could probably smell the money and expensive taste right of him (like everyone else). She then smiled at Isabelle, complimenting her about her hair and barely looked at Alec, frowning at his old man sweater. Rude.

Alec discreetly sent an **_s_** ** _os_**  text to Jace. His _parabatai_ only answered with  ** _sux to be you_**... Alec vowed to convince Clary by any means necessary to work with dear Sharonna if the red head lost her mind and agree to marry his asshole of a brother.

The damn wedding planner was already Magnus and Izzy new _bff_ and the three of them had been gushing about color scheme for an hour now, all but leaving Alec wandering around the over-stuffed office/presentation room. _Strike 1_.

She had ask Izzy if she had an precise idea for the date. Apparently she had assumed that Magnus and Izzy were the ones getting married. _Strike 2_.

Isabelle had corrected her with a smile and dragged Alec closer, forcing him to actually look at calendar and the options that worked best with it, _color wise_ . Sharonna gave him an unflattering once-over again and said “But you’re not gay.” _Strike 3_.

It had took every ounce of Alec’s self control not to tell her to go shove her stereotypical views up her ass, but Magnus put a soothing hand on his shoulder, giving him _the look._ The look that meant _Babe you look really hot when you're about to rant but now isn't the time._

Turning his face to the woman the warlock said icily:

“Oh don’t worry dear, Alexander is gay in every way that actually _counts._ ” He took Alec by the waist and put a kiss on Alec’s cheek with smacking sound. “Wouldn’t have him any other way.”

And with that, Alec was left with no option left but to sing the damn Turtle song in his head:

 

[ “Jamais on a vu ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72S8XYqi0c)

[ Jamais on ne verra ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72S8XYqi0c)

[ La famille tortue courir après les rats ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72S8XYqi0c)

[ Le papa tortue et la maman tortue ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72S8XYqi0c)

[ Et les enfants tortue ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72S8XYqi0c)

[ Iront toujours au pas!” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k72S8XYqi0c)

 

Izzy and Simon had came up with it, telling him that it would help his so-called bitching problem (“Sing it when you’re mad!”, “Sing it when punching people isn’t an option!”, “Sing it…”

“When my sister and her boyfriend are being annoying? I won’t ever stop then.”).

Magnus had long time theorized that Alec, being now out and proud, had difficulties keeping his emotions and opinions bottled up like he used too. That’s why he usually encouraged Alec voicing his feelings. Once it at lead to an hilarious (to Magnus) encounter with a homophobic preacher in Central Park. Alec, who spend his free time reading everything he could, who could probably go toe-to-toe with the fucking Pope bible-wise if he wanted to, had _destroyed_ the man lousy rhetoric. The nephilim had concluded his rant by "Now I’m gonna go home and blow my boyfriend while you stay here having no grasp at all about what the angels wants from you!"

But in this circumstance, Alec played nice and repeated the song five times in a row, probably looking constipated to everyone. Fuck that stupid catchy kid song.

*

Sharonna asked this and that and Mags was firing “Yes” and “No” confidently, like he understood, like he had been thinking about this for a long time (he probably did). He was in his element right there in the middle of expensive fournitures and flowers and, Alec did a double take, a gold unicorn prop cake (not. on. his. watch). Alec wasn’t. He felt irrelevant in the decision making process and the way Magnus was saying “I want” and “I think” without so much as holding Alec’s hand was not helping.

 _Well fuck that,_ he thought, gritting his teeth. He had decided right after waking up from Camille’s poison that he was done feeling sorry for himself. Done thinking he wasn't good enough for Magnus, without trying to actually talk about his insecurities to his _fiancé_ first. Or taking matter in his own hand.

Alec Lightwood deserved this, flowers and all. And if it meant he had to get a level in flower scheme or whatever, so be it. He was going to plan the hell out of that wedding if it killed him.

*

Magnus has strong views about wedding and about fashion. So Alec grand plan started by going to a bookshop and buying every single wedding magazine he saw there. The cashier looked at him with sympathy when he rang his purchase.

“Don’t worry man, my wife turned into a bridezilla too. She’ll be happy you’re trying.” The guy said. Alec was too busy staring in horror at one of the cover ( _Pick The Lingerie That Will WOW Him!_ ) to correct him.

*

Magnus was on an emergency house call for the rest of the day and Alec settled with his magazines on the bed, all of them spread out. He frowned. Did mundanes had gay wedding magazines? Were gay weddings different than straight ones?

The Chairman jumped on the bed and sniffed at one cover ( _Spice Up The Wedding Night With A Boudoir Book! Sensual And Forever_ ), looking at Alec like he lost his mind. That cat did that a lot.

“Oh shut up you.” Still talking to the cat like he could answer. Great job Lightwood.

The worst thing in his and Magnus situation was that they had to walk the line between shadowhunters old traditions and downworlders ones. And that was without factoring Magnus’ unique taste in the matter of parties. Alec knew that Magnus had told Sharonna about “a gold wedding” which would piss off the Clave big time. Alec smiled, a few years ago, going against the Clave would have him begging for Jace to stop (since his _parabatai_ had always been the law breaker in the family). And now here he was, defying the Clave once again, hand in hand with his _male warlock fiancé_.

Alec picked one of the few groom oriented magazines. He was going to blew Magnus away with his knowledge of wedding outfits.

*

Next meeting with Sharonna (sans Izzy this time), Alec dressed to impress. Not the wedding planner, but Magnus. His fiancé always dressed like everyday was the most important day of his life and  Alec needed Magnus to understand that it was important for him too, that he was serious about the wedding.

“I think Autumn would actually be great. Like this we could celebrate Alec’s birthday during our honeymoon,” Magnus said with nonchalance, checking some horrendous canary fabric.

“Well of course, but the theme must…”

“Autumn will be perfect. That way you can wear something burgundy. It’s the most amazing color on you and will go nicely with the decoration. Mom said that we can use the Connecticut house. It’s gorgeous all year long of course, but it won’t be too warm or too chilly and think about the view. Big park, well maintained too. You’re going to love it. Think about the _colors_ Magnus,” Alec cut her, trying to talk with confidence about his wedding plan.

Magnus turned his head slowly, looking at Alec in surprise. At least it was obvious that he was pleased with Alec’s input.

“Well well, looks like someone finally found his tongue. I was wondering when you would get fed up of me planning everything without you.” The warlock smiled. “You were totally betrayed by the Chairman by the way. Showed me your stash of _wedding_ magazines two days ago.” Alec suppressed a shiver. Leave it to Magnus to make weeding sound like a dirty word.

Alec smirked back at Magnus, refusing to let show his embarrassment.

“Had to level up the playing field, _darling_. The way you’re taking all the decisions had me worried a little. Can’t let you ruin the wedding like you ruined so many of my proposals,” he explained, only half joking.

“How dare you! I’ve ruined...” Magnus actually had to look down at his hand to count how many failures he was accountable for. “Four! Only four!”

“Did you count the blow job fiasco?” asked Alec, completely forgetting that Sharonna was still there.

“Oh my! I’m… I’m going to go get coffee. Do you guys want coffee? I’m going to get you coffee!” the wedding planner said loudly, well over Magnus’ answer (“that one was on you babe!”). She took her handbag and left swiftly, eyes locked on the floor, leaving Alec and Magnus alone in her office.

*

Alec was epically blushing. His whole face was burning and he was biting his cheek hard, trying not to say something even more outrageous. Baiting Magnus wasn’t the greatest of idea.

“To think that people say I’m the one that should stop oversharing,” Cooed Magnus, advancing on Alec with he was a goddamn predator. “Really Alexander, by all mean, scare off the poor woman with the tales of our crazy sex life.”

“Hey! I wouldn’t call it crazy,” Alec murmured weakly, trying to avoid Magnus’ eyes. It didn’t stop his fiancé from pushing him against the big desk, forcing him to sit on the edge. Alec legs responded to that the only way they knew and opened, letting the warlock in between them. Like this their height difference was cancelled and Alec lost himself in Magnus’ cat eye; in the feels of those delicate hands on his waist. Magnus went for the kill and playfully bit Alec’s ear.

“So tell me Alexander… how is burgundy my color? And please, _please_ tell me you have a suit idea ready in that pretty little head of yours,” Magnus breathed hotly.

Alec escaped Magnus’ magnetic field just enough to pull his head back and said “Are you asking me to talk fashion to you Magnus? Here? For real?”

“You started it! It’s not like she’s coming back soon anyway...” answered Magnus, continuing his ministrations like nothing was weird about making out in their wedding planner’s office. His hands began their oh-so-slow trail down Alec’s torso. When they reached Alec’s pants, the warlock tugged at his belt, hard.

“By the Angel you’re serious!” Alec shouted without meaning to.

“When am I not serious about _this.”_ his fiancé growled, cupping Alec’s cock through his slacks. “Talk. Wedding. Fashion. To me. Now.” Alec’s head went fuzzy with Magnus’s words, spoken with so much lust in them that he could barely process them. Magnus was unfastening his pants quickly, like he did a hundred (thousand?) times before. Alec tried to take a deep, calming breath, but it came out as a moan. Damn Magnus’ hands were working fast.

“I saw… I saw some kind of jacket… Same co _lor…_ damn Mags...” Magnus smiled at him, wordlessly asking him to continue, like he wasn’t jacking him off where anyone could walk on them. “Hum.. same color as your fucking Gucci shirt… with gold lapels and you know… it made me… aaaaah...”

“Yes darling? It made you...?” his asshole of a fiancé prompted. He was biting down his lips, making them so, so red and shiny. Alec closed his eyes. Magnus was too much sometimes.

“Fucking hell Magnus.. It made me think of you… how hot you would look in it. How fucking pissed the... Clave will be to see us… marry in g _ooooold._ ” Magnus went down to his knees and Alec wasn’t prepared for this, was never prepared for Magnus, High Warlock of Brooklyn, four hundred years old and counting, one of the most powerful being on the fucking planet, on his knees for him.

“Oh I love when you get kinky with your “fuck the Clave” attitude. My good boy gone wild...” Magnus singsonged, waggling his eyebrows. And whatever outraged answer Alec would have eventually think of disappeared when Magnus took him in his mouth.

*

When Sharonna came back from her long coffee break, she looked at them with suspicion but refrained from saying anything. After all, Magnus had snap any evidence of their indiscretion somewhere far, far away. He hadn’t got rid of Alec’s blush, though.

Magnus just handed her a list he had put together quickly after getting them off.

“Alexander and I worked on some ideas when you were gone and we made some tremendous progress.” He dared a wink at Alec, the smug bastard. “Gold and burgundy. I’ll provide you with our tailor’s informations for the suits and we’ll need an appointment for everyone in the family. I’m not letting Simon pick his own clothes, never again. Also here’s the number of the house, we’ll  have to see it together soon.”

“Of course Mr. Bane,” the woman said, looking at the piece of paper like it was covered in slime. Alec winced in sympathy. “I’ll get back to you quickly. What about the food? I can send you a list of potential baker for the cake, those kind of thing need to be locked down sooner rather than later.”

“Absolutely! I was craving something _sweet_ anyway.”

Alec choked at Magnus leering tone and hid his face in his hands, only catching Sharonna blushing furiously at the words a second. The archer wouldn’t have be surprise if she dropped them as clients in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song Alec is singing is a french nursery rhyme that is supposed to teach patience to kids
> 
> chapter 2 will be ready soon, just need to calculate the right amount of glitter for the bachelor party first


	2. Glitter and Grease

Izzy was driving everyone crazy. Running between the Institute and Magnus and and Alec’s loft at all hours; commanding Jace, Simon and Raphael to do her evil bidding; ordering cakes to be delivered at her parents, siblings and friends’ houses; forcing said cakes down their throat, stomach ache be damn; hunting down Alec for ideas and Magnus for fittings. People at the Institute stayed clear of her, fearing that she would put them to task.

Surprising no one, Sharonna had dropped them as clients. And blacklisted them with every prominent wedding planners in the city that could handle a shadow world wedding, leaving Alec and Magnus into Izzy’s care to organize the ceremony. Because while Magnus was very good at getting people plastered, he wasn’t that great at table sitting planning. Whatever it was called (he had placed Maryse near Jocelyn and the women had nearly took his head for it). Obviously it was Magnus’ fault (and Alec was only an accessory to the crime in this _goddammit_ ), the warlock had developed a wedding kink of all things and that had been too much for Sharonna’s nerves. Alec sent her flowers every week since then, with an “ _I’m so sorry you had to see that_ ” note more than once, but trying to mellow the woman had proven unsuccessful).

At that point, they all needed a breather. With only two months left to the wedding, the stress and excitement added to their shadowhunters responsibilities, Magnus’ warlock jobs and the Big Pregnancy Freak Out of 2016, they were all fed up.

*

One evening, Alec joined Jace in the armory to gear up for a patrol. He usually met his siblings in town, since Magnus had snapped a additional room for Alec’s weapons and gear in their loft. But he had spent the afternoon cramped with Izzy and Simon in her bedroom, trying to work on his vows. It had been a complete nightmare and Alec much needed to blow some steam. And be as far away as he could of Izzy and Simon’s sexual tension.

Jace was already ready, going through a last check of his seraph blades. Alec tried to act as casual as he could, keeping his discomfort from his face when he looked for a replacement bow, feeling out of place in the Institute’s walls. He hadn’t planned on patrolling tonight, but Jace was adamant they were long overdue for _parabatai_ time. Knowing him, Alec guessed his brother had picked up Alec’s frustration through their bond and wanted to help.

“Why are you grumpy?” Jace called from behind him. Alec tensed.

“I’m not grumpy… You guys should really tidy up in here, throwing stars have nothing to do with katanas. I had a great system, you should have keep it. Can’t find anything,” He said, turning. He was growing frustrated. The archer had lived in the Institute for the bigger part of his life, yet it had only took a few months to become unfamiliar to him.

“Here…“ Pointed Jace helpfully, designating on thin vertical drawer in the farthest wall of the room. “And we have a great system too: it’s call I don’t care what the others do.”

Alec looked at his _parabatai_ suspiciously. “Coming from you that’s pretty weird,” he said, checking out the different bows for one that would accommodate his height and draw.

“Well Clary says it’s good that I rebel against my upbringing in small ways like this… _Cathartic_ she said,” Jace answerd easily, a stupid smile on his face. “Which brings me to propose this: we could use a party!” he added, handing Alec an empty quiver with excitement.

Alec raised an eyebrow. “We party all the time. For free I might had. You’re welcome.” He couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes, Jace was so entitled sometimes.

“Dude I knew you were boning Magnus for the free alcohol! Way to take one for team!” Jace shouted, turning around to see if any of the shadowhunters around them had heard his claim, smirking like the asshole he was.

“Go. Fuck. Yourself.” Alec shoved a big fist full of arrows down his quiver.

“I would but Clary cut my mirror privileges by half since the condom gate,” Jace said mournfully. “Who knew they had expiration dates?”

“Urgh, please Jace, I don’t want to hear about your stupidity. Or your sex life.” Alec secured his quiver across his back, hoping the conversation would end.

“Hey! I didn’t want to see some stuff either but I still _saw_ Alec, and bleach didn’t work!” Jace’s voice did the tremor thing, the one he used when he wanted something from Clary, trying to pass himself as a poor innocent lamb. Unfortunately the blond had honed that particular skill on Alec when they were younger. Alec strapped his weapon belt and gestured to Jace that he was done with his gear.

“Oh my god… just fucking tell me about the party you want.”

“It’s not a party I want. It’s a party you are _owned_.” Jace waggled his eyebrows at Alec, walking backwards towards the exit. By the Angel, had Alec really been attracted to that?

“What are you talking about?” asked Alec, pushing the door of the Institute open. Damn it was cold. What he’d give to be home with Magnus right now.

Jace groaned. “I’m talking about your bachelor party dumbass.”

*

Magnus was looking through the floor-to-ceiling window of their loft, the morning light catching the brand new blond highlights in his hair. Even with his head turned, Alec could make up with the rigidity of his shoulders that his fiancé wasn’t that pleased.

“Jace is throwing you a bachelor party.” Magnus repeated for the third time, tasting the words on his tongue like bad wine. “Should I be worried?”

“What do you mean?” Alec himself was laying on the couch, pretending to be watching tv when he really was ogling Magnus from across the room.

“Well who knows what could happen… I saw the Hangover trilogy, Alexander. Next thing I know Simon is calling me because they lost you. And I find you _half dead_ on the roof of an hotel in Vegas!” Alec sighed. Unfortunately he knew that the warlock was dead serious about this, he had grown a bit paranoid with Alec’s security since Camille and her poison. So the only way to defuse the situation was to be an obnoxious ass about it. He climbed the sofa, elbows on the head rest and said coyly:

“What if they book me a stripper? A hunky, Spanish stripper with a motorcycle?”

Magnus turned sharply at this, his beautiful face twisted in outrage.

“DON’T YOU DARE ALEXANDER!”

Alec was promptly tackled back down by his husband-to-be, giggling madly has Magnus tickled him in vengeance for his words.

“Hey you can… always asks Raphael for... a party of your own,” he managed to say in between attacks, “Raziel knows you guys will have a blast without me around to… _Magnus!_ “ Magnus’ hands strayed from their initial targets to more sensible areas. He weakly tried to protest but his heart (and pants) wasn’t in it.

“Like I would ever grovel for him to organized a party anyway. Plus he’s not my best man,” Magnus said viciously, groping Alec into submission.

“Oh! You finally got the balls to tell him you picked Cat? Happy I wasn’t there when that happened...” Magnus chose that moment to inch up Alec’s henley and blow a giant raspberry on his belly (bless his heart for thinking it was some kind of punishment).

“He was actually pleased. Said he would have messed up his toast on purpose and feel obligated to seduce Jace into an illicit fucking in the chapel.” Magnus made a face. For someone who was always trying his best to exposed then, he wasn’t particularly fond of thinking about anyone else sex life.

Alec frowned.

“What did you say?”

“Apparently it’s good luck for the best man and maid of honor to hook up at a wedding. Don’t ask, I certainly didn’t,” Magnus said before resuming his kisses down Alec’s happy trail. “Hey, how do you feel about cancelling on Izzy and staying in?”

“I feel like she’ll be planning our joined funeral if we do that again,” Alec said, eyes riveted on Magnus’ cat ones.

“Worth it if you’re game...” Magnus said wantonly. Damn he was good at this.

“Nope” Alec answered, popping his lips around the word. He rolled his hips anyway, catching Magnus unaware. The warlock fell down the couch, yelping. Alec followed him, straddling the surprised warlock with shadowhunter speed. He kissed him deeply, with everything he got and was rewarded with a strangled moan from Magnus.

Two could play at this game.

*

Alec was one drink away from black out drunk. So when Jace and Raphael began to tease him about his _special present_ , their weirdly leering smiles went well over his head. Even when they shoved him into a small dark room with a single sofa and soft, hypnotic music playing, he just went with it. He didn’t even remember Pandemonium had one of those. That’s how drunk he was.

Sitting down, he tried to locate his phone but couldn’t find it anywhere and started to sniffle miserably because he loved to talk to Magnus and Magnus wasn’t _there_. Alec couldn’t remember why. Was Magnus okay? Did he still love him? By the Angel Alec should call him and find him and get him to cuddle him right now. And then some.

There was a lot to say about Alec’s “ _bad_ ” habit of being “ _too clingy_ ” with the warlock (“ _Go fuck yourself Jace have you seen him he’s so fucking gorgeous and I want to touch his face with MY FACE_ ”). And conjugated with alcohol it usually made him a bit more enthusiastic about PDA than he was sober. So he was a horny drunk, what of it?

Alec, sadly looking around the room, decided that he should go home where his Magnus probably was (that where he had last saw him, so it was a good bet to start there). Rising from his seat with some difficulties, Alec stumbled right into the door and trying to open it, found it locked. So he did the next best thing: martel the wood weakly to call his _parabatai_ , so he would get Magnus for him. It didn’t cross his mind that Jace couldn’t hear him with the loud music that was playing in the club. Or that the blond was the one who locked the door.

*

On the other side of the door, Jace was looking at his watch every two seconds, muttering about lateness.

“He better show or him I’m killing him. We’ve been waiting on him for half an hour already. I’m not even sure Alec’s still awake in there.”

“You shouldn’t have give him so much to drink. For a guy his size, he’s pretty lightweight when alcohol is involved,” snapped Raphael. The vampire had never been a patient man, and being forced to look everywhere in the club for the late stripper wasn’t good for his mood. Neither was spending the night with drunk kids so disgustingly in love with each others when he was so goddamn single it hurt. He should have volunteer for Magnus duty and stay in with the warlock. But then he would have had to deal with a mopey Magnus.

“It’s his bachelor party! If he’s not hammered, it means I’m not doing a good job!” Jace had insisted on pouring as much drinks as possible down Alec’s throat, telling everyone in their VIP area how funny it was going to be. Raphael sent a quick thank you to God for not getting puked on his new Berluti shoes.

Suddenly Simon was there, dragging a tall black man behind him.

“Well, look who decided to cheat on Isabelle tonight,” commented Raphael, appraising the man his _protégé_ was still hand holding with. That was one hot dude. Tall and and with large shoulders. His dreadlocks (“ _they look so soft_ ”) were caught in a leather string. “ _Dios. Simon does have amazing taste,” h_ e thought to himself.

“Don’t even joke about that! This is Arthur. He’s the stripper Jace hired. Security was giving him trouble for his bag at the entrance,” Simon shouted, dropping the man’s hand as if it had burned him.

“His bag?” Jace demanded.

“Well yes. It’s not like I am was going to take the subway with gold body paint all over me.”

“You should have.” Raphael winked at him. Damn he was half jealous of Alec.

The stripper blushed. “ _Interesting_.”

“By the Angel Raph, stop flirting with my brother’s stripper.” Jace rolled his eyes. Looking at Arthur he said “Okay just give it good but not to good. I don't want to have to explain to my brother-in-law why his fiancé run off with a stripper.”

“The probability of that happening is low. Not that I wouldn’t run off with you, given the chance.” The vampire gave Arthur his best lusty eyes. Like he was going to obey _Jace_. “No. The real risk is Alec freaking out if you go too close. Poor thing still blush when Magnus smacks his ass in public, so a stripper grinding against him? Dios, he might cry.”

“Wait wait wait!” interjected Simon before Arthur could react to Jace and Raphael’s advices. “You didn't check with Alec and Magnus if a stripper was okay with them? I don't want Magnus to stake me when he discovers that we paid a hunky dude to grind is precious Alexander to death!”

Arthur looked at the three of them like they were mad and finally asked “So where is that Alec? And where can I change?”

Raphael took the opportunity that God obviously sent him.

Gesturing to the door he said “In here. There is a slight chance that he is sleeping. You guys should go back to your girlfriends. And _you_ , follow me, I’ll get you to change in the staff restroom.” He didn’t wait for an answer, just took Arthur’s warm hand in his and lead him through the crowd, smirking.

*

“Do you come here often?”

Alec startled. He had been dozing on the sofa, slipping in and out of consciousness for God only knows how long. Raziel, he shouldn’t have drank so much. He turned his face toward the voice and damn. _Damn_.

“Sorry did I scared you?” the man asked with a soft voice, barely above the music in the room. His face was covered with a gold dramatic mask. Alec could only stare.

“Hum no… I was just under the, hum… impression that the door was closed,” he said slowly, trying not to embarrassed his drunken ass too much.

The man chuckled. “It was. But then your friend let me in.” He was resting in all his gold glory against the door, like some kind of apparition. Like some kind of god, covered in thick golden paint and his lean muscles caught the light with every movement.  Alec swallowed with difficulty.

“Oh… but why?”

“I’m your _special present,_ ” he said, then he took a step toward Alec, and another, and another, until he was upon him. The man put his hand on each side of Alec’s head, but didn’t touch him or tried to sit. “Unless you don’t want me…”

Alec lost his voice for a second. “What are you gonna do if I say no?”

“I’m not used to rejection,” the man murmured, so close to Alec’s face. “I’ll probably go cry at the bar and drink it dry.”

“In this?” he growled. Alec was referring to the man’s outfit. It was a boxer brief covered in that same gold paint that the rest of him. It was indecent even in Pandemonium standards. Alec’s fingers itched to touch, to test the texture of it against his own skin.

“At least someone will be appreciative of my efforts...” the stripper said. Alec couldn’t see it but he _knew_ he was smiling.

“I am very… appreciative of all your efforts.”

“Was that so difficult to admit?” the man cooed.

“Nope,” Alec answered, popping his lips around the word.

*

The man had get a small device from Raziel knows where and turned up the volume of the music in the room. Alec looked around. The world was less blurry now but he could still feel the alcohol in him, making everything shiny. Everything _good_.

Since he was already down to his underwear, the man got right into the dance part of his act. Gyrating slowly his hips, undulating his body with the music, head swaying with the bass. Alec looked at him, truly looked, uncaring of the lust he felt right this moment could be seen on his face. He was beautiful, like the sun had graced him in human form.

Damn.

Alec made a sound when the man advanced on him again and extending a hand toward his face, oh-so-slowly caressing it, tracing his lips and his jaw; smearing them gold. He let go and Alec followed him just a little bit, a few inches of want. He heard the man laugh.

 

“Jump, jump, jump on it

Jump, jump, jump on it

Jump, jump, jump on it

Jump on it, jump-jump on it”

 

With every beat, the stripper hips trusted in the air, with so much fluidity that Alec could feel himself salivating. Why did he let Izzy force him in those damn skinny pants again?

He was getting really into it when the song ended. Alec startled again, surprised how deafening his respiration had got in the silence. It didn’t last long. A new song started and the man  was back in motion again, this time far closer than he was before, far more tempting too.

Alec watched, enthralled by his movements, so graceful and sexy. The man suddenly dropped back, lowering himself on his legs as languidly as the music in a controlled fall, ass nearly touching the ground before rising impossibly quickly again, perfectly in synch with the song. Moves like that had to be practiced. Practiced a lot. Alec smiled to himself, enjoying the show.

*

The next song was definitively for the grand finish.

The golden man went to his knee and growl toward Alec, his back shining with sweat and gold. Once he was at Alec’s feet he pushed Alec back on his seat (he had been on the edge of it without realising) and straddled him. Alec took a sharp breath, enjoying the smell of him. Looking at the man’s thighs, how fucking hot they were against his. His black jeans were rapidly covered in paint. Damn, could he touch?

“You may put your hands on me,” the man said, slowly circles his hips, as if he was testing the water, “if you want.” Damn Alec could hear that smirk again.

He didn’t answer, not really. Just with his hand. The paint had a pleasant creamy texture and Alec moaned, gripping the skin and the hard muscles.

 

Spin around in circles on my middle, middle finger

Spin around in circles on my middle, middle finger

Spin around in circles on my middle, middle finger

Spin around in circles on my middle, middle finger

 

Each words was an agony for Alec because the man on his lap grounded his hips against his slowly at them, shamelessly throwing back his head while his hands had found Alec’s torso (destroying the brand new shirt he had on, buttons flying across the room). Alec looked down at himself: he was covered in gold, shimmering. He beamed at the stripper, who was now arching his back and exposing his long neck, inviting Alec’s to suck on it.

He did.

The paint tasted like honey and _caramel_ , and he lapped at it eagerly, slowly revealing the skin under it. Alec giggled and bit the spot he had cleaned. He was suddenly pushed back, head hitting the the back of the sofa. The stripper took his hands off his thighs but didn’t let go of them. He squeezed hard, showing his strength, even for his lighter built and guided them on his shoulders this time.

“Watch me,” he said, breathless. The man was getting off this as much as Alec.

Alec could only nod and ride the high of excitement when his tormentor inched closer to him. Now crotch to crotch, he could feel what the underwear hadn’t really left to the imagination.

The man teased. Motions like a dream. Alec realized the music had stopped, probably a while ago. But they were in a bubble, away from the world.

The man little moans were music enough.

The grinding picked up, ruthless now and Alec’s eye rolled back in pleasure. If this continued he was going to come down in his pants like a teenager.

“Are you enjoying your present?” Damn that voice, so seductive and thick with want. Alec whimpered in response, unwilling to break the spell. If he talked now, he would ruin everything.

In the small space between them he felt a hand deftly opening his pants and he whined again. His grip on the man’s shoulders was weak because of the sweat and paint, but also because he didn’t want to touch his _shoulders._ He just let go and went swiftly for the stripper’s ass and didn’t bother with the underwear. Passing his hands under it was easy, the gold paint was as good as any lube. Alec went for the kill, caressing his entrance and dipping in the pad of his finger, slowly circling it.

The stripper scream in pleasure and rocked his entire body into Alec’s, once, twice and came just. Like. That.

Alec smirked. Two could play at this game.

*

Raphael entered the VIP area with a dreamy look on his pale face. And a flustered Arthur in tow. Simon spilled his drink in surprise while Jace’s reaction was a bit more violent..

“What the hell Raph?” screamed Jace. Rising from his seat, he pushed Clary from his lap and the girl ended up half laying on the floor.

“Hum, who is is?” she asked with a drunken slur. “Did you get a boyfriend, Rapha?”

“No Clary. This is Arthur. He’s Alec’s stripper.”

“Yes but Alec’s not here! And where were you all that time?” Simon asked, looking at his mentor with wide eyes. He turned to Arthur, examining his clothes. “He’s not even dressed to strip!”

“Yes I know that. And you’re welcome,” was Raphael only answer. He simply sat down, tugging a confused Arthur on his lap, and grinning like God himself had done him a favor.

*

“Magnus that was really hot...” said Alec, panting.

“What… how did you call me?” the stripper sputtered, still coming down from his high… Alec put his mouth on his gold neck again and began to suck. Hard.

“Mags you think you can put edible gold paint and glitter all over your goddamn body and a mask on your face and I won’t know it’s you? _Ye of little faith_.” He caressed Magnus’ tights, giggling. “I mean I’m _drunk_ but I don’t think I’ll ever be drunk enough to let a random dude grind me to death.”

The stripper took the mask off his face and Alec beamed at his fiancé, only a little annoyed to be dislodged from his neck. That paint was like candy, he really hope there was more from where it came from.

“Hey there handsome,” he began, “I missed ya tonight.”

“Well it’s the point of a bachelor party, isn’t it?” pouted Magnus.

“Yet you’re here...” murmured Alec, right against Magnus’ adam apple, breath burning the warlock’s skin in the best way possible.

“Yet I’m... here,” Magnus moaned around the words. “Couldn’t let… fuuuck..”

“Less talk, making out now,” cut Alec, pointedly thrusting his hard on against Magnus. “Some of us didn’t get to finish.”

“Aaaaah... I like the way you think Lightwood,” moaned Magnus, still sensitive after his orgasm.

“Good thing you’re marrying me soon, right?” And with that Alec kissed him fiercely and wrapped him in his arms.

*

“YOU DID WHAT?” shouted Jace, panicking just a tiny bit.

“My heeeeeeead” The wail came from behind the second couch. Shit, he woke Izzy up.

“I told you. I called Magnus. Told him to get his butt here and to put on the paint.”

“But why?”

Raphael looked at him like he was an idiot.

“I wasn’t going to let Arthur here go wasted on Alec, the boy doesn’t have any appreciation for the finer things in life. I do.” He had a hand tangled in Arthur’s hair and the dude was looking down at him with amusement. Obviously the two of them had a good time already.

“Are you saying that Magnus isn’t one of the finest thing in life? Because most people think he is. I mean those leather pants…” Clary got a faraway look on her face, something that was definitely not okay.

“Clary!” Shit why was he being betrayed by everyone tonight? They weren’t even listening to him.

“Well all those shadowhunter things when you get thrown against walls and banged on the head too hard obviously have consequences on your brain,” shot Raphael. He turned to Arthur, “You want to get out of here?”

“MAGNUS IS A SEXY SEXY WARLOCK!” singsongs Isabelle, still hidden by the couch.

Jace’s only solace was Simon’s outraged face at his girlfriend’s confession.

*

“How did you get in here anyway?”

Magnus had been enjoying his afterglow when Alec finally started to question his presence.

“Told ya,” he lipsed, “Raph let me in.” He snuggled more deeply into Alec’s neck and smiled at the sight: His fiancé was as gold as he was.

Alec’s hand in his hair stopped. “So what, you were gonna give me a sexy lapdance with _extra_ even if I didn’t know it was you?”

“Na, was gonna be good and take the mask off. Then finish _you_ off.”

“But you didn’t? I mean I knew it was you but you didn’t knew I knew and damn... I am still too come drunk and regular drunk for this conversation,” Alec said in a breath, closing his eyes.

“Hey! I was into it. Plus it was hot. Just… I wouldn’t have let you cheat on me, even with me. And when Raph called I might have been in the middle of a tequila bottle. And _you_ could have say something too!” Magnus poked him in the ribs to make his point.

“I don’t know... I thought you were roleplaying. Didn’t want to waste that performance. Where did you learnt that anyway?” Alec asked, too tired to feel any misplaced jealousy.

“Peru.”

“Oh. Is it where you’re taking us for the honeymoon?”

“Can’t do,” Magnus giggled before continuing, “Peru kinda put a restraining order on me.”

He could feel Alec staring at him, but his fiancé stayed silent.

Finally Alec asked, “You wanna go home now or try to scare Jace with tales of my cheating on you?”

Magnus laughed so hard then he nearly choked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Harry can shake it, so does Magnus in this
> 
> come and throw prompts at me on tumblr, it could get interesting

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Title from _Emperor's New Clothes - PANIC! AT THE DISCO_
> 
> If you loved it, kudos and comments are ALWAYS a good way to show it, or consider buying me a [coffee](http://ko-fi.com/theleftboobgrabber/)!


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